Tonight, I need a friend next to me, but I have chosen to stay alone. It has been going on since I remember myself alive and I‘m used to deal with it by myself. After all, it doesn’t make sense anymore but it still hurts. It’s a long fight which it shouldn’t have happened at first place anyway.
I am counting the hours until the status of Kosova is going to be announced. Tomorrow, Europe is going to play God again. Tomorrow we are going to be told whether we have a right to speak up for ourselves. Tomorrow. Ah, I have been waiting for too many tomorrows and tomorrow seems the closest tomorrow I have ever had. Yet, I secretly don’t want to know about this tomorrow. I just have a hunch that it is not going to meet my expectations that I have been waiting for tomorrow. Well, I am not being pessimistic, but I am tired of being optimistic and then having to deal with disappointment. I choose to be sceptic.
Obviously, there are a lot of Serbians, who still believe that Kosova belongs to them. I had an ‘argument’ with one of them today because she made some primitive remarks and honestly I think that kind of mentality is very dangerous.
Here is what she said:
"How would the British react if asked the following question: Why don't you give Northern Ireland the independence? And another question for all the foreign correspondents in Kosovo: Has anyone seen any of the Albanian historical monuments in Kosovo? Wherever you go, you will come across the Serbian monasteries and churches dating back from the Byzantine period, 11th and 12th centuries up to the Turkish conquest of the Serbian lands. There is no dilema, only political interests among the most powerful."
Mirjana, Belgrade, Serbia
And this is my answer to her:
Ah, I am sitting in my room in London, studying journalism and enjoying true freedom and liberty in this country. But half of my heart is still ripped apart because I come from Kosova and I am aware and concerned that some people in this world still believe that some nations don't have a right to make decisions for themselves. I never understood why some Serbians feel good when they make us feel bad. Why? If you really love Kosova, let them be free. And no, probably we don't have any monuments left because they were destroyed throughout centuries by different dictators that we have had. But that doesn't prove that we don't have a right to exist. I didn't want to leave my house on March '99, I didn't want to make enemies with Serbians either, but it took one psychotic man, to brainwash Serbians and turn them into something, that even they don't understand what it is. And worse, Milosevich, is still in their psyche, although he is dead. Get on with your lives people. Make peace. Give rights and opportunities to each other and live happily. Let Kosova make decisions for themselves. Serbians will return to Kosova but Serbians need to stop poking into fresh scares of Albanians because it hurts. It truly does.
Another point, British soldiers never went to Ireland to kick them out of their houses, they never raped Irish women, they never massacred them and they never burnt their houses either. That’s a huge difference between Serbia and Britain.
Please try and make peace because we owe it to the children who lost their childhood through the wars in Balkans. We can't justify ourselves when they ask us why? Lets build their future and shamefully accept our wrong doings.
Lets do it in the name of peace, in the name of humanity.
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That’s all what I want from both sides. I want them to give up these stupidities and nonsense nationalism. Nationalist means extremist xenophobic and that’s unacceptable from my point of view. It's 21'st century and while others are making it to Mars we can not make it to next door neighbour country. It makes me sick.
Kosova and Serbia are like a couple. A couple with abusive history who can no longer recover. They will always remember what happened and it’s never going to work. A man who had abused his wife for no reason and now that she wants to leave, he is begging her to stay. She had been punched on her nose far too many times, for no reason and she knows exactly how it feels like. She knows what pain is. She had gone through it for such a long, long time and she is tired and wants to live for as long as she is alive. And so she should. She should stand up for her rights and tell him that although she never hated him, she can no longer love him either. She is numb and she no longer remembers how it feels like to be happy, but she knows pretty well that this is not a way of living her life.
Even today, they still call us terrorists, which it shakes my soul. I've never heard of one single Kosovo Albanian who wrapped itself with bombs and blew it up in Serbia. I know that there is nationalist extremism in Kosovo as well but the most important question is, why did they become like that? I am not justifying them, but they are direct result of the repression that they have gone through different wars. Ignorance is very dangerous and it can be found in both sides. That’s what I do not justify. When Serbians are nationalists that means blood, not only in Kosovo but throughout former Yugoslavia. Not all Serbians are like that though. I've know a lot of Serbians who are very open minded and believe in human rights. One very good friend of mine, amongst others, is Natasa Kandiq. .
But my point is, nobody from Croatia, Bosnia nor Kosova went to Serbia to kill them. They became power craze people because they listened to their power craze president.
Lets not mix two things up, Serbian and Albanian citizens with Serbian and Albanian politicians. I have seen Serbian and Albanian politicians eating, drinking and laughing together. Nothing wrong with it, but what is wrong is that when they leave that party, both sides fuel the minds of their own people with nationalism and lead them to poverty and corruption.
That’s what is wrong, and that is what citizens of both sides need to understand once and for all.
Nobody is denying deaths of Serbians nor Albanians but we need to stop this finger pointing because it happened and lets get over with it. Today, is relevant. Lets forgive. Today. Forgiving is not forgetting, it’s just remembering something without bitterness.
No one has a right to tell anyone what to do and no one should have a right to tell Kosovo what to do either. I believe in peace, democracy and tolerance for every creature that has the chance to live in this planet.
Tonight, I am waiting for tomorrow…
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